File this one under: arguments that would have never occurred in the more sane 1950s/60s/70s/80s/even 90s.
While perusing my Twitter profile the other day, my husband commented that I never include “wife” within any of my self-descriptions on any of the three social media platforms I frequent.
But I’m a mom, I argue. I always mention that I’m a mom. Doesn’t it go without saying that I’m also a wife?
Well, I just assumed it would be obvious that I have a partner or else I would specify that I am a single mom.
This is stupid. It’s not like I’m looking for a man on Twitter. This is a stupid conversation.
That’s not the point.
Yes, it is.
No it isn’t.
Yes it is.
I am paraphrasing and editing heavily because our actual exchange was far more caustic. The word “selfish” was thrown about. I retaliated with my best argument, an embarrassingly weak one:
I couldn’t possibly be selfish because I took on a new last name, thereby proving my willingness to put you before me.
His response: silence. Look of mock horror as he probably thought back to that one day, 8 years ago, when I baked him brownies and twirled about in a faux poodle skirt, vowing a life of brownies.
And I came face to face with the shameful reality that I am biased and assume that when I hear the word “mom,” the word “dad” isn’t far off. I assume that mom-with-husband-or-partner is the default description and “single mom” should be specified because it is special — a universe more difficult than co-parenting, and therefore worthy of existing in its own category.
Furthermore, I assume few people are reading a Twitter, WordPress, or Facebook profile and thinking anything other than: “She likes tea? Who cares?”
But, yes, I added “wife” to the profile now.